A Still Fragile Balance
by Red-X
Summary: 32 years after Fragile Balance, Jacks clone has learned to live with his stange life- but today he has do the hardest and weirdest thing yet: confront his own mortality in a way that he had never really considered. How do you handle attending your own funeral? *ONE SHOT-COMPLETE*


*So this is a story I've been wanting to write for a long time and I've had the completed draft sitting on my computer now for six years and finally decided now is the time to post it. Warning- Major Character Death (obviously).

A STILL FRAGILE BALANCE

He could have been interred in Arlington. Many of his fellow SGC Airmen, Marines, Soldiers and civilian personel had chosen this honor. Ironicaly, there was even political pressure for him to be buried there. Surely a decorated general, one of the most decorated officers in history, deserved to to be buried there if anyone did, the argument went. General Jack Oneill had quickly pointed out that Every serviceman deserved to be buried there, regardless of decorations and rank. Instead, he had stated, depending on his mood, that he wanted to be buried at his cabin by his fishing pond, that he should be creamated and scattered out of an X-302 above the White House, or that he perhaps he could be shipped through the Stargate to a black hole. Dr. Carter reminded him that would lock open the gate, disrupt space-time, and ultimatly kill everyone. He shrugged and said it would be a memorable funeral. In the end there never was really any question. It was a small Methodist church he attended in Colorado Springs. The one where Charlie was buried. Though it had nothing to do with his decision, he enjoyed the thought that his last act would be an act of defiance, once again bucking political pressure. Upon his decision, three other former SGC personel had changed their wills and requested plots beside him. He told them that was stupid, but they refused to listen.

It was a clear cool Friday in December, three days after a heavy snowfall. John sat in his truck and looked around at the full parking lot. The people here today would not be the political hangers on looking to score a few points by associating themselves with the war hero. That time was reserved for the following Monday when the Air Force would hold their memorial service. Today was just family and friends. Of course, John noted, to Jack those were one and the same. Turning off the radio, but keeping his engine running so as to take advantage of the heat, John waited for people to file out of the church. It was an open casket and he couldn't bear the thought of seeing Jack lying there. Nothing about his existence was normal, in fact it had been one exercise in weird after another, but that would take things to an entirly new level of messed up. Not to mention having to hear the Eulogy that would be, in part, about him, and in part about a life he could have lead. Also of course there was the very real fear that someone might catch a look at him. That would make for an exciting day.

He wasn't even sure why he had come. Every part of him had said it was a bad idea, that it would be too strange. Years before he had come to terms with who he was, that they now lead seperate lives, and he was happy with that. What little contact he and Jack had through the years and had steadily dropped as time went on until the only acknowledgment of the others existence was their annual Christmas cards containing some inside joke. Of course he couldn't forget entierly, after all, Jack's legacy with the stargate program was as much a day to day thing in the SGC as the Stagate its self, and as leader of SG-2 John had learned to ignore it, his colleagues kindly not mentioning it in his presence. Usualy that worked, but sometimes their silence was louder than questions. Not one of them, save Cameron Mitchell, mentioned anything. General Mitchell had put all non essensiall ongoing mission personel on stand down for the funeral and memorial service and, for the first time since his appointment to the SGC, he asked John about Jack. John had glossed over it as best he could, still trying not to think about it. It really was too weird, and it brought up too many questions that were even weirder.

"Eighty Five years old," John thought. "Does that mean that I'm only going to live to eighty five?" Jack had retired a full four star General seven years after inheareting General Hammond's position as head of Homeworld Security. Would John attain such lofty ranks and command the respect of his other self? Given his current course, he thought, yes. A Colonel and already very decorated himself, even though he preferred not to to think about it, John knew others looked on him much as they had the other him. If only his personal life could live up to Jacks. He was over Sarah, had been for a very long time, and as he got older the mental difference between himself and the women his age didn't seem so great. By they time he graduated the Air Force Academy he had begun seriously dating again. Still, the one woman he felt he could love was unavailible to him. Because of that, he had thrown himself into his job and his research, enjoying his time alone by the lake much as Jack had when he was John's age. His friends away from the SGC, what little he saw of them after his appointment, never understood his inability to seriously commit to a relationship, just as they hadn't understood in high school and college. His fellow members of SG-2 were a little better since they knew of his "situation", chalking it up to the difference in mental age. It was that same mental age that made him the slightly curmudgeonly Colonel that reminded them of a combination Grandfather, father, friend, and at times six year old boy. He was, after all, eighty five years old.

Only Dave Henderson, John's best friend since high school, really understood. They had attended the Academy together and, though John had been imideaely appointed to an SG team and and Dave sent to Iraq, eventually they found themselves working together at the SGC. Upon his stationing to Chianne Mountain, John had allowed Dave to read the mission reports of the entire Loki debacle. After reading them and drawing mostly the correct conclusions, Dave had simply looked at John one evening over his beer and said "Well, I guess a few things make sense now." That had been the last mention of it. Dave was the only person John told about Carter, and because of that, the only person who never questioned his confirmed batchelorhood.

Dave understood why John would sometimes make up excuses not to go down the hall to the cluttered lab and meet with a certain astro-physicist about some piece of technology, and then other times make excuses to pay her a visit. Dave could only guess what they talked about those days when John would wonder down the hall and knock on Sam's door. He wasn't sure why he knocked, but he always would. Somewhere probably he was afraid she wouldn't want to see him and by knocking she had a chance to not answer the door. That was before the brilliant Dr. Samantha Carter retired. She was the last to leave the SGC. Daniel had finally gotten remarried and at the age of 48 decided he was too old to run around and get shot at. five more years behind a desk with some occasional offworld work and the brilliant Dr. Jackson finally decided it was time to move on. Suspiciously it was the same time that Jackson retired that Major General Jack Oneill retired as Director of Homeworld Security. Neither of them seemed to notice the timing. Daniel had actualy been offered the position following Jack, political pressure pushing for a civilian Director. Daniel declined. Instead he did something he had always wanted to do. He went to Egypt and lead an archiological dig without being shot at, and he taught archiology and anthropology at the Univeristy of Colorado. He was a little more respected in the field now that a few rumors had slipped out, but there were still those that considered him a kook. Enough that he still coudn't get a job at a reallt prestegious archiology school like Harvard. Still, for some reason, being called a kook didn't bother him anymore. Apparently being proven right to those who knew about the SGC was enough, he no longer needed to prove himself to the other academics.

Teal'c had eventually succeeded Master Braa'tac's position with the Jaffa and was still a frequent visitor to the SGC but it wasn't the same. He was the only one that seemed to cope with John's exhistance with ease, but he sensed somehow that John wasn't ever quite ready to spend any large amount of time with him. They worked together on joint missions with the jaffa and continued a close working relationship. Their friendship remained strong, but it was a silent kind, like a brother that had moved across the country.

That had left Sam Carter at the SGC. The only remaining original member of SG-1 never received a general's star and it never bothered her in the least. She remained in her lab after retiring from the field, heading up the SGC tech, R&D, and general "science jiggery pokery" as both Jack and John so eloquently put it. For some reason she didn't marry. Upon her retirement from active duty she stayed in Colorado Springs to teach at the Air Force academy.

One day, while jogging in the park, retired colonel Samantha Carter jogged around a corner into retired general Jack O'neill, who was running with his very large and friendly black lab. Six months later a wedding with the highest security clearence ever recorded took place. John didn't receive an invitation, nor did he expect one. He didn't bother going, but he did send them a toaster oven with scenes from the Wizard Of Oz painted all over. Both Jack and Sam had wondered where he got it, and despite it being the ugliest toster oven ever made they used it for years until it finally wore out. Some jokes were too good to let die.

General George Hammond had passed a number of years before and was given a similar sendoff. He had begun attending the same church as Jack, actually teaching Sunday school for a while, and had been buried in the same cemetary. It wasnt by chance that his plot lay very close to jacks future resting site. The entire SGC staff, present and past had attended that one as well, as had John. He'd kept his head down and done his best not to be recognized, and felt a slight twinge of regret that he hadn't been able to join Jack, Sam, Teal'c, Daniel, Jacob, and former President Henry Hayes as pallbearer.

Finally John saw the casket make its way down the front steps of the church. Daniel Jackson, Teal'c, Cameron Mitchell, Jacob Carter, and Walter Harriman, were the pallbearers. They were one short of the traditional six. They had originaly wanted to use only four, saying there had only been four of them on SG-1 and that had always been enough, but at 72, Daniel wasn't able to carry the extra weight. Teal'c and Jacob probably could have picked up the slack, but it was decided Walter had always given them passage into the unknown before and brought them back safely, it was only right he be the ferryman for this final mission as well.

John watced his five friends carry the casket, draped in an American flag, a flag that had flown at the Alpha site, to horse drawn limbers and caissons. A full military band played as they made their way to the herse. Daniel, Jacob, and Walter were crying. Teal'c looked like he might. The band then escorted the procession to the grave site.

As the herse came to the grave, a riderless horse following, the pallbearers removed the casket and placed it on its stand beside the grave. A full military band began playing and as the casket approached the grave site a formation of riflemen presented arms and Dr. Carter O'neill was escorted to the graveside. She had been crying but it seemed to have passed. At this point John was tempted to get out of the truck and go to her, but he knew it was a ridiculous, fool's thought. The flag was lifted from the casket, the riflemen fired a 17 gun salute, and taps was played by a lone bugler 50 yards away. The flag was folded,and General Mitchell presented it to Sam. He said some words. John didn't have to be there to know what they were. He had served on honor guards before, and had attended too many military funerals in other capacities. "On behalf of the President of the United States, the Department of the Air Force, and a grateful nation, we offer this flag for the faithful and dedicated service of General Jack O'neill." At this point, as she took the flag, Sam began to cry again. John's heart dropped as he watched, trying not to think about who was in the casket and only concentrating on Sam.

Finally, after some short words by Daniel and a very short statment by Teal'c (John had no idea what they had said, but Teal'c had stepped before everyone and his mouth formed about seven words and then he stepped back) everyone disperssed. All exept for Sam, Daniel, and and Teal'c. John watched and waited. He could go to the grave now without causing a scene, but he decided not to. It wouldn't be fair to them. After about twenty minutes they all left together. John watched the entire time they were by the grave. First they cried- John was pretty sure even Teal'c cried this time- then they talked, then they laughed at something, then they cried again, then they were silent. Finally they walked to Daniel's car. As they did, they began laughing about something again. FInally, after they had driven off- probably back to Sam or Daniel's house, John stepped out of the truck. He was imidiately shocked at how long they had stood outside, because the temperature had dropped severely. He walked to the grave, taking care to keep his hat pulled low and not remove his sunglasses. His dress shoes crunched in the snow.

At the grave, he pulled up short.

John J. O'Neill

October 20, 1952 - December 15, 2034

Father, Son, Husband, Friend.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."-Ephesians 6:12

*I did have one comment about there being a 17 gun salute and not a 21 gun salute. In the United States Military only the President and Heads of State are given 21 gun salute. Chiefs of Staff, Heads Of Service, Ambassadors and the like receive a 19 gun salute, and Generals and Admirals receive a 17 gun salute.

For anybody who's interested, the ages of each haracter at the time of the story are as follows:

Jack:85  
daniel: 72  
Sam:69  
John:47

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


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